Emotional Intelligence
History of ' Emotional Intelligence '
In 1985 a graduate student in the USA wrote a doctoral thesis which included the term ' emotional intelligence ' in the title. This was the first-ever-academic use of the term emotional intelligence, popularly known as EQ … Emotional Quotient.
Then in 1990 the research work of two American university professors, John Mayer and Peter Salovey, was published in two academic journal articles. Mayer ( University of New Hampshire ) and Salovey ( University of Yale ), were trying to develop a way of scientifically measuring the difference between people's ability in the area of emotions. They found out that some people were better than others at things like identifying their own feelings, identifying the feelings of others, and solving problems involving emotional issues.
Since their work in 1990 these professors have developed different tests to measure what they call "emotional intelligence." Because nearly all of their writings have been done in the academic community, their names and their actual research findings are not widely known.
Instead, the person most commonly associated with the term emotional intelligence is a New York writer named Daniel Goleman who had been writing articles for the magazine ' Popular Psychology' and then later for the New York Times newspaper. Around 1994, he was evidently planning to write a book about "emotional literacy." For that book he was visiting different schools to see what programs they had for developing emotional literacy. He was also doing a lot of reading about emotions in general. In his insatiable thirst for reading, he came upon the work of Professors Mayer and Salovey. At some point it seems that Goleman decided to change the title of his upcoming book to "Emotional Intelligence, and this book instantly became an international best seller.
In this book, Goleman has collected a lot of interesting information on human brain, emotions, and behaviours.
Definition
Emotional intelligence is the capacity for effectively recognizing and managing our own emotions and those of others.
Research and experience demonstrate that while some aspects of our personalities are fixed, the way we act out those qualities is ours to choose. In other words :
• we do not choose our characteristics, but we do choose our characters
• we do not choose many of the events of our lives, but we do choose how we react to them.
Emotions have the potential to get in the way of our most important business and personal relationships. According to Professor John Cotter of the Harvard Business School, ' because of the furious pace of change in business today, difficult to manage relationships sabotage more business than anything else --- it is not a question of strategy that gets us into trouble, it is a questions of emotions '.
How Important is EQ to Performance ?
Research tracking over 160 high performing individuals in a variety of industries and job levels revealed that emotional intelligence was two times as important in contributing to excellence than intellect and expertise alone ( Goleman, 1998 )
Goleman based his performance-related research on hundreds of top executives from some of the world’s largest corporations and concluded that close to 90% of leadership success is attributable to EQ.
How do emotions promote or demote our work performance ? An understanding of the following EQ Model will automatically enable you to find out a solid answer to this critical question :
EQ Questions Components
1. What makes you think, act Self-awareness : the recognition of
and feel the way you do ? the causes and effects of your own
feelings and reactions
Know 2. What parts of your reaction Self-honesty : the acceptance of your
Yourself are habitual ( done without own qualities and faults, your
conscious thoughts ) and experiences, emotions and your own
which parts are intentional? power
Independence : the recognition of
3. What are you afraid of ?. your own rights and responsibilities
as a free person
Delay gratification : take right action
1. How do you know what is even though there may not be an
Right for you ? immediate reward.
Prioritise :bring to the forefront of
2. Can you increase your your mind a ‘checklist’ of what is
awareness of your actions most important so that you can
so that you can see their weigh decisions and actions
effects ?
Choose Manage feelings : use the simple
Yourself techniques to act … not react
3. If you were not afraid, what Optimism : recognise that you
would you do ? have choices, that you can make
a difference, that you are an
important part of a living whole
4. Can you live with doing Accountability : hold yourself to
less that what is right ? high standards and do what is
right, even when it seems hopeless
1. Am I leaving a legacy of Interdependendence : the recognition
good ? of an individual’s place in the larger
community; awareness and decision
2. Am I healing or hurting ? making that takes into account the
Give short & long term consequences of
Yourself 3. Do I live the golden rule ? our actions
4. Will I die knowlingly I Noble Goals : commit to actions that
lived well ? serve ideals and others, but do not
hurt anyone and do not profit one
over another
EQ Fundamentals
There are eight (8) key fundamentals of emotional intelligence. They include concepts and skills that lead to certain behaviours. Like all kinds of intelligence, there are developmental aspects to this learning (as we get older, our abilities become more sophisticated and more complex ) and our ability to use this intelligence varies situation to situation, day to day.
Let us again look at the EQ Model and review these eight fundamentals under the same three categories :
Know Yourself Choose Yourself Give Yourself
Build Emotional Apply Consequential Create Empathy
Literacy Thinking
Recognise Patterns Evaluate & Re-choose Commit to Noble Goals
Motivate Yourself
Choose Optimism
Fundamental 1 : Build Emotional Literacy
Feelings are a complex aspect of every person. While research has identified eight "core" feelings (fear, joy, acceptance, anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, expectation), we each experience dozens, even hundreds, of variations each single day. These emotions blend and merge, and frequently they conflict.
This EQ fundamental helps us sort out all of those feelings, name them, and begin to understand their causes and effects. It also helps us understand how emotions function in our brains and bodies, and the interaction of thought, feeling, and action.
Fundamental 2 : Recognise Patterns
Human brain follows patterns, or neural pathways. Stimulus leads to response, and over time, the response becomes nearly automatic. On a neurological level the path way becomes a road, the road a highway, and the highway a super expressway -- until it requires extraordinary measures to interrupt the automatic process.
On a behavioral level, the neural patterns lead to behaviour patterns. At a young age, we learn lessons of how to cope, how to get our needs met, how to protect ourselves. These strategies reinforce one another, and we develop a complex structure of beliefs to support the validity of the behaviors. As we become more conscious of the patterns we exhibit, it becomes possible to 1), analyze the beliefs and replace them if appropriate, and 2), interrupt the pattern and replace it with conscious behaviour that moves us closer to our real goals. This is an enormously difficult task that requires commitment and vigilance --- but it is not difficult to begin.
Fundamental 3 : Apply Consequential Thinking
People are often told to control their emotions, to suppress feelings like anger, joy, or fear, and cut them off from the decision-making process. This old paradigm suggests that emotions make us less effective; nothing could be farther from reality. Feelings provide insight, energy, and are the real basis for almost every decision. Instead of disconnecting our emotions, we need to control our actions so that we have time to make the most creative, insightful, and powerful decisions. Particularly when dealing with conflict or crisis, we need to slow down the process and apply carefully practiced strategies that lead to decisions informed by the fused powers of heart and mind.
This "habit of mind" stems from a clear understanding of the consequences of our choices and the ability to imagine the cause and effect relationships. This process allows us to be as impulsive as we truly want to be, but also forces us to limit impulsivity when consequences are undesirable. One key mechanism to develop and monitor consequential thinking is "self-talk." Self-talk is a mechanism to mentally explore multiple options and viewpoints; it provides a system to balance the various aspects of our self. Just as in conversations outside ourselves, sometimes the louder voice gets more attention; the issue in both cases is to develop a process where listening is valued and all the voices -- loud or soft -- are heard.
Fundamental 4 : Evaluate and Re-choose
In our daily lives, we have countless opportunities to get feedback about our thoughts, feelings and actions, and to then change if the feedback so warrants. Unfortunately, we also have a great capacity to ignore this feedback and continue with a scarcity of useful information. In this unconscious state it is easy to become selfish, to sever connections with our humanity, and to subjugate ourselves to addictions or other compensations.
The alternative is to listen -- listen to ourselves and listen to others. When we become skilled at sensing our own emotions, we are able to tap into the energy that they provide and take action. Emotions are energy, and one place where that energy most frequently erupts is in conflict.
Conflict is inherent in human interaction; you need only look at a group of preschoolers at play to see its significance. To manage this strife, we develop skills for evaluation, negotiation, and compromise. To socialize effectively you must recognize and gauge other peoples' thoughts, feelings, and actions just as you monitor your own. These skills are heavily dependent on interpreting paralanguage (body-language, tone, utterances, facial expression, and other forms of nonverbal communication). An effective socializer is able to turn conflict into a positive force. S/he creates compromise and makes sure needs are met. S/he can mobilize people, persuade, and inspire others.
The most critical step to teaching effective socialization is to provide positive role models and opportunities for children to practice what they have observed. Today, children often do not see their parents interacting socially, nor do they have as many opportunities to practice social skills with extended family. Thus, it is even more important that parents provide these mechanisms and opportunities.
Fundamental 5 : Motivate Yourself
Motivation” comes from Latin “to move;” it is a goal-oriented behaviour. In essence, we take action because it feels good to do so. It feels right to take a break when we are on overload, then it feels right to go back to work. The challenge is to make it feel right to take action that does not have an immediate reward. To do so, we have got to tap into the part of ourselves that has a longer-view -- which also feels right. We each make countless decisions each hour. For example :
• What should I eat for lunch ?
• What clothes should I wear today ?
• Which book should I read? Ask ?
In part, we make those decisions unconsciously based on our patterns and habits. In part, we make those decisions based on our personal priorities. So, if we want to redirect our decision to take a longer-term view, we need to both shape unconscious habits and examine priorities to make sure they match.
In addition to motivating ourselves, it is important to learn how to motivate others. There are many ways to do so; the most obvious are “extrinsic” motivations. For example, “If you carry my bag, I'll give you a candy bar,” is a simple example of extrinsic motivation -- it is a bribe or a type of commercial interaction. Quite useful at times -- but it doesn't last. Building lasting motivation requires a more complex strategy; one that employs both intrinsic and extrinsic motivation (ideally 60-80% of the focus is on intrinsic motivation). Building motivation in others begins with three elements:
1. They need to feel the benefit of the priority you are suggesting. If you want a child to use a more polite vocabulary, s/he needs to experience how such a decision would feel good. S/he will develop that experience by being spoken to with polite words -- at the same time, it might feel good to avoid the consequences of using impolite words -- and that will feel good.
2. Always treat them as you want them to be. John's mother always treated him as if he were honest -- even when he was not. He internalized that value and struggled to improve his actions because it felt good to have his real behaviour meet that high standard.
3. Give time. Motivation is a complex process and a vital one. Like so many intra-personal skills, it often takes years or decades for the seeds to bloom.
Fundamental 6 : Choose Optimism
Likewise, children are born optimistic, and tend to stay optimistic until they are six or seven. At that time, life's difficulties impinge enough that the door is opened for hopelessness. Research suggests that to avoid getting trapped in the negativity, people need at least one refuge. The refuge can be a person or a practice (such as reading) that provides positive input. It is remarkable to think that one source of kindness, one source of comfort, one source of hope is enough to combat the terrible perils that some children experience.
Optimism validates our long-term motivation because it lets us see the future as positive and worthwhile. Optimism allows us to see beyond the present and feel good about what may happen. It is closely tied to perseverance which inspires us to continue the journey despite the difficulties of day-to-day life.
Fundamental 7 : Create Empathy
Empathy is the ability to recognize and respond to other people's emotions. It is connected to optimism because it is through a sense of our connection to others that we see our own efficacy and importance. Together they govern a significant portion of our behaviour; they are the gatekeepers of our emotional selves. When we are empathic, it hurts us to hurt others or to see them hurt. We actually experience for ourselves the emotions of others.
It is motivating, then, not only to do what makes us feel good, but what makes others feel good. Thus, empathy is the force which makes the golden rule true. Some parts of empathy are instinctive. Infants will reach out and touch others in distress; in maternity wards, one infant's tears will lead to a room full of crying babies. This mimicry is the first step towards forming empathy. Unfortunately, this unconscious or instinctive behaviour does not automatically lead to conscious empathy. Instead, these flickering flames must be carefully banked and fueled through role-modeling, reinforcement, and practice. Once people develop empathy on a conscious level, it becomes self-reinforcing because it answers a deep-seated need to connect with others.
Fundamental 8 : Commit to Noble Goals
Noble goals activate all of the other elements of EQ. Through our missions and our acts of human kindness, the commitment to emotional intelligence gains relevance and power. Just as our personal priorities shape our daily choices, our noble goals shape our long-term choices. They give us a sense of direction, they give us a spar to hold in the storm, they are the compass for our soul. All the “inside” aspects of emotional intelligence change your attitudes. They shape your own life; they help you become the person you want to be. Your noble goals touch the future.
* * *
“ Where there is no passion, your soul is either asleep or absent ”
John O. Donohue
Test Your Emotional Quotient
Rate yourself on the following items on a scale of 1 to 5 ( 1 being the low and 5 high ). This exercise aims at fact-finding and not fault-finding, and is intended to help you focus on areas for self-improvement
1. I stay relaxed and composed under pressure 1 2 3 4 5
2. I can identify negative feelings without
becoming distressed 1 2 3 4 5
3. I stay focused ( not lost in unimportant
details ) in getting a job done 1 2 3 4 5
4. I freely admit to making mistakes 1 2 3 4 5
5. I am sensitive to other people’s emotions
and moods 1 2 3 4 5
6. I can conceive feedback or criticism without
becoming defensive 1 2 3 4 5
7. I calm myself quickly when I get angry or
upset 1 2 3 4 5
8. I communicate my needs and feelings
honestly 1 2 3 4 5
9. I can pull myself together quickly after a
setback 1 2 3 4 5
10. I am aware of how my behaviour impacts
others 1 2 3 4 5
11. I pay attention and listen without jumping
to conclusions 1 2 3 4 5
12. I take regular time out ( once a month or a
quarter ) to reflect on my core purpose and
vision for how I want to live my life 1 2 3 4 5
Add up all the numbers you have encircled to determine your overall score,
and hereunder is what your total score means :
Your Score
12 – 24
Your frankness is commendable. Although you may be a technical wizard or have very high IQ, your EQ is on the low side. It appears you may have some work to do. If you scored in this range, you may find yourself blowing up at people, depressed, or losing sight of where you are in life.
• Are you stopping and waiting to let strong emotions pass before you react ?
• Are you allowing the 'winds' of change to direct you - instead of setting your own course based on an internal compass ?
• Are you responding to life and its challenges with fear and insecurity rather than passion and purpose ?
Don't despair! Emotional intelligence is not set at birth - it can be learned and improved. If life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond, then we hold the power to create the lives we want!
25 – 34
People in this range often find themselves blowing up at their co-workers, even their loved ones. They seem to have less 'buffer' for dealing with change, stress and difficulty. Some people also report depression or feeling 'lost' in life.
• Are you allowing the 'winds' of change to direct you - instead of setting your own course using an internal compass?
• Are you responding to life and its challenges with fear and insecurity rather than passion and purpose?
EQ can be learned and improved - with big payoffs ! Studies of entrepreneurs and employees at some of the world's top organizations, show that EQ counts for twice as much as IQ and technical skills combined in defining who will be a star.
Improving EQ results in better relationships, greater health and a happier outlook on life! Areas to work on: Given that self-awareness is the foundation of EQ, you might want to start here on the road to higher EQ. Ask yourself :
• What situations generally create tension and stress for you ?
• How are you handling these situations ?
• What negative thoughts play over and over in your mind on a regular basis? Are these a true picture of reality ?
• Are you afraid to share your needs and feelings with others ?
• Is it because you are taking care of everyone else - being a martyr - or acting ' the strong, silent type' ?
If we have trouble expressing our emotional needs - if we regularly put others needs before our own - there's a good chance that we will one day wake up feeling empty, hostile, or depressed. Don’t let this happen to you ! Take care of yourself ! Express your key needs. It may be difficult at first - but research shows it will be a win-win. So move into the 'zone of discomfort' to express those needs and you will be rewarded for your hard work several times over! This is one of the key steps to building emotional intelligence. You will be happier - and those around you will understand you better, and be grateful for the feedback. Remember, if life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond, then we hold the power to create the lives we want!
35 – 44
You have slightly above average EQ - with room to grow!
You are likely sensitive to the emotional climate of the people around you - your peers, friends, family and key clients. You are well aware of the effect your behaviour has on others. Still, while you may be adept at tuning into others and their needs - you must remember your own! Don't be afraid to honestly communicate these difficult needs and feelings. The world is well stocked with martyrs - it doesn't need any more!
Think also about your passion for work (or whatever constitutes your main roles in life - manager of people, doer of tasks, 'meeter' of clients' needs, etc).
We spend countless hours in our given roles - sometimes without much joy or satisfaction. In the process we become tranquilized by the trivial. Sedated by the small details of life. Sure, the laundry needs doing, the groceries need getting, the kids need chauffeuring, the deadlines must be met, but we also need to stop and remember what gives us great joy and meaning. If we fail to remind ourselves (on a regular basis), we risk becoming hostile and cynical. We lose our purpose. And this translates to a diminished ability to be effective, at ease and fulfilled. Areas to work on: Ask yourself: -
• What situations generally create tension and stress for you? How are you handling these situations ?
• What negative thoughts play over and over in your mind on a regular basis ?
• Are these a true picture of reality ?
• Are you afraid to share your needs and feelings with others ? Is it because you are taking care of everyone else - being a martyr - or acting 'the strong, silent type ?
• What 3 things give you the greatest meaning in your life?
If you work on gaining clarity in these areas, you will move toward maximizing your full potential and finding greater effectiveness, happiness, and fulfillment in your life. As William James said: I have no doubt whatever that most people live, whether physically, intellectually, or morally, in a very restricted circle of their potential being. They make use of a very small portion of their possible consciousness... much like a man who, out of his whole body organism, should get into the habit of using and moving only his little finger... We all have reservoirs of life to draw upon, of which we do not dream.
45 – 54
Congratulations !
You have very high emotional intelligence. This is good news! EQ counts for twice as much as IQ and technical skills combined in determining who will be a star performer.
Your level of EQ likely has been and will be a driver of your high performance for years to come. Areas to work on: While you are doing well - don't forget to take time out of your busy day-to-day activities to stop and reflect on what brings you the greatest meaning in your life. If we fail to do this on a regular basis, we risk becoming tranquilized by the trivial. Sedated by the small details. Yes, deadlines need meeting and goals must be achieved. But if we are working toward goals that are not in alignment with our key values and greater purpose, we face becoming hostile and cynical - losing the reason we are doing 'all of this' in this first place! This translates into less joy and enthusiasm for our work - resulting in a diminished ability to be effective, at ease, and on purpose.
55 – 60
Congratulations on your exceptional EQ !
You work in a Sanctuary - a place that welcomes your soul. We are impressed!
If you scored in this range, there is a slight caveat however. You are either extremely high in emotional intelligence or extremely low. How is this possible?
These results may reflect your high level of self-knowledge or your complete lack of it since you must be self-aware to assess yourself accurately. For this reason, self-awareness is the foundational competency of emotional intelligence! You may want to seek clarification from a peer, co-worker or family member to validate your score. You have either made it to the top or have a long way to go.
John O. Donohue
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